So I haven’t been going to the meetings since my first one, but I actually think I’m going to try to go every week. I popped into one during my lunch break and it really has the helpful AA vibe that I need. I just need to be honest with everyone and everything this time and it’s great to be surrounded in that judgement free zone. I’m still weighing myself Thursday mornings at home, but the meetings remind me and re-inspire me to keep on track. Plus I like being able to brag about my weight loss and have people applaud. It’s unfortunate, but I don’t really have anyone to do that to. All my friends for the most part are very thin, so when I tell them I’ve lost weight, while they are supportive, they can’t really appreciate how hard it was for me and how much work it took. Plus, I can’t help feeling like kind of a loser (my middle school mindset creeps in there) for having to lose weight in the first place. I have one friend who is my size and while that’s great because we get to make “this is why I’m fat” jokes with each other, when I asked her to join Weight Watchers with me she flat out said “that won’t work for me” as soon as the words left my mouth. It was frustrating to hear that, but I do understand – she hasn’t reached her breaking point yet. One day you wake up and you know you NEED to make the change and you know that you CAN do it. It’s different for everyone. But my point is – I don’t feel right telling her about my weight loss because I can see the pain on her face when she tries to be happy for me.
That’s where the meetings come in. I can exclaim that I fell off the wagon and have everyone laugh with me and share stories of when they have too. I get advice from people that I actually want to hear – not the usual “if you want to lose weight then blah blah” stuff that people who have never struggled with their size seem to love to spew at me. And I can go during my lunch break. Which is a nice bonus. Plus, I’m paying for the goddamn meetings. Mama’s not made of money, yo