My Weight Loss Journey: Weigh In Day

Weighed in today. 174.8 lbs. 2.6 lb gain. OUCH. I celebrated the news with a chocolate mint coffee and key lime donut from dunkin donuts. Well actually I just wanted both. The gain was no surprise, so I can’t complain really. I’ll do better next week!

My Weight Loss Journey: The Day of Reckoning Is Almost Upon Me

Weigh in tomorrow. No way it’s gonna be a lose, but that’s all my fault and not even remotely hard to understand why. At least that’s less frustrating than a gain in a week where I’ve been on point. I worked out on Monday, skipped Tuesday but at least did a lot of walking, and worked out this morning for 40 minutes. I plan on working out tonight, partly because my gym is showing “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” in their movie room and I’ve never seen it. I may not be able to catch it at the beginning though, so maybe I’ll just watch the rest of Pride & Prejudice (which I watched the beginning of this morning). I’ve seen that one, but I love it. I digress.

I feel good that I’ve been working out and I do feel more energized and healthier already and it’s only been 2 work outs. I need to keep it up. Seriously, audible and downloading movies to my iPad have saved me. I can do the relaxing activities (reading, watching tv) I would be doing otherwise, only at the gym! I have a desk bike I still need to put together in my apartment (yeah, I’M LAZY), so once I get that all set up, maybe I’ll start playing video games while biking. Anything to trick myself into getting extra exercise, right? So in terms of weight loss this week, I have most likely failed (unless I lose 5 lbs in one day…. Which I don’t want to do…) but overall I think it’s been successful in terms of my health. My unhealthiness inspired me to get back in the gym. WIN

My Weight Loss Journey: Getting Mah Ass in Gear

Weighed myself this morning. 176.2 thankfully. That’s 4 of the 8 I gained this weekend gone really easily. I can breathe a sigh of relief. I may be able to get back to 172.2 by Thursday’s weigh in. I really don’t want to gain! I ate really healthy yesterday and also earned 10 activity points, I just need to keep it up. I ended up just walking on the treadmill for an hour and ten minutes at various speeds and inclines, but that’s a start. I figure if I download a movie or tv episodes onto my iPad mini, I can just walk and watch instead of sitting on the couch and watching like I would at home. I’m going to try to do this in addition to real work outs, but even if I just stick with this, it’s something. I walked for a total of 262 minutes yesterday including my commute!! GO ME! So for reals, if I use my binge time as my incentive to add exercise to my regimen, then it actually ended up being a good thing in the end. I also read this article: http://www.shape.com/weight-loss/success-stories/16-fitness-experts-who-used-be-fat and while I think it was a little insensitive to say “used to be fat” rather than “used to be overweight or unhealthy”, the article itself inspired me. If they can get in shape and become personal trainers and fitness experts, why can’t I? I used to be in amazing shape and I keep mourning that I never will be again. BUT I WILL BE. I WILL BE BETTER

My Weight Loss Journey: Self Flagulation

I am SO ANGRY at myself. I binge ate all 4th of July break: barbecues, parties, ice cream, galore. From Wednesday night until yesterday. I was at 172.4, my lowest weight in a year. What am I now? 180.2. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? I AM SO ANGRY. Now I realize a couple of pounds will melt away easily, but this still takes me a month backward. I CAN’T BELIEVE I DID THIS TO MYSELF. I keep telling myself the only good that can come from this is if I start exercising as a result. So I need to use it as an incentive to start exercising. I need to go tonight and work my ass out. UGH, WHY DO I DO THIS??? Time to start tracking again too. I am so disappointed in myself

My Weight Loss Journey: I Dreamed a Dream

Last night I had a weird dream. I was with a group of my current friends and this popular guy from my high school (who always seemed to like me but never made a move due to my unpopularity and weirdness) showed up. Back in high school I thought I was a total heifer, although ironically I was around 145 – 160 lbs back then which is around 15-20 lbs thinner than I am now. Anyway, in the dream, my friends and I were standing in this fun house slide type of area, standing over the top of a slide. Mike (the hs guy) came over and said “Wow… you’ve gained weight.” In the dream, I shouted at him and shoved him off of the top of the slide. When I told my friends, they started yelling at him. The last thing I coherently remember from the dream is that after I calmed down and my friends tried to make me feel better, I was explaining to my friend why I thought he had reacted that way. “He always secretly liked me in high school, and I think he was hoping I’d lose weight and grow up hot, so then he’d feel comfortable finally making a move on me. He spoke without thinking because he was so disappointed.” Don’t quite know what to think about this…

My Weight Loss Journey: Day After Weigh In

I had my weigh in yesterday – 174.8. Not bad, not bad at all. But for some reason, I used this as an excuse to EAT EVERYTHING. I’ve discovered having candy – even the skinny cow chocolates – is too much. I can’t just eat one. At least the ice creams are more fulfilling and take longer to eat. I weighed myself today – 176.8. WOOPSIE. Hopefully I’ll lose it easily this week just by eating normally, but it really pisses me off to see my ability to piss away all my hard work. I know it’s part of the process, but I now have to spend time this week losing weight I lost two weeks ago. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF? I need to go to the store and buy more frozen cherries and cool whip. I’ve discovered if you heat the cherries and cover them in cool whip it’s so desserty and not too bad for you mmmmm. I ALSO NEED TO WORK OUT. WHY CAN’T I MAKE MYSELF DO THIS?!?!?!? I’m going to the beach tomorrow, so at least it will be an active day. But on Sunday I NEED to start anew and work out. The weight, my body, everything will just be BETTER if I work out. My mood and hormones and everything too!!! It’s hard not to feel angry at the world when I can gain 2 lbs just like that after all my hard work. But again, I did it to myself. Sometimes it’s hard not to just sit and eat EVERYTHING. But, I do know I’m getting better. Things will get easier. AND I WILL WORK OUT!

My Weight Loss Journey: Haven’t Posted for A While…

I haven’t posted for a while. I had a .8 gain last week. Well that is, on Wednesday. I refused to even weigh myself on Thursday as I lost control Wednesday night. I kept to it the rest of the week and have been good this week, so I weighed myself to check in and I’m at 174.4. If I can stay there or lose more for this week, I’ll be very pleased. So let’s hope! I haven’t been working out like I should, but I make sure I walk for at least and hour a day, which is usually easy to do because of living in NYC and my commute. I’ve been taking the ferry home, which is a 25 minute walk after work and I like it. I’m wearing a dress that was too small for me right now and it’s still tight as HELL in the bust, but hey, I gots some big boobies. I still want to be around 160 lb for the wedding I’m going to on August 10th. That’s around 7 and half weeks away, so that is entirely plausible, but maybe too much pressure. If I actually started working out at least 3 times a week, I’d probably hit it! AHHHH INCENTIVES