Well Hello…

Well… I haven’t been very good at keeping up with this blog. OR my healthy eating. So…. there’s that!

BUT I’ve rejoined Weight Watchers after a brief hiatus due to extremem busy-ness/laziness and I’ve rededicated myself to getting healthy. I’ve joined Mark Fisher Fitness here in NYC and started their Snatched in Six Weeks program yesterday. You have to check in with their fitness coaches about your diet (keeping a journal) as well as exercise five times a week (three in the ‘Ninja Clubhouse’ as they call it). I briefly tried Snatched for two weeks in March before my wonderful boss passed away and I caught bronchitis standing outside crying after his funeral. Yes, I’m seeking pity here, it’s been a rough couple months.

In Snatched, we take “before” pictures and then six weeks later we take “after” pictures to really show us how our bodies have changed after six weeks of eating well and working out. Once I received my “before” pictures from my first – half completed – attempt at Snatched, I knew I needed to do something. They’re… Well as body positive as I try to be, I have to admit that I’m embarrassed that I actually go out in public looking like this. After graduating college and no longer having a barrage of pictures uploaded after every hangout, I suppose I’ve lost the real sense of what I actually look like. It ain’t too good.

Snatched Before1

Snatched Before2

Snatched Before 3

Yeah… If you think I look miserable it’s because I AM. I have wrecked my body, my skin is a mess and scarred as a result, I’m afraid even if I lose weight that I’ll have significant loose skin and stretch marks… Ok, so I’m not miserable in every way, I mostly love my job, I love my boyfriend, I have some really great friends. But in general, I no am happy. I’ve started back up with the bad habits from middle school, standing in the mirror simply staring and hating, staring and hating. I’ve spent so much of my life doing this. I don’t want to be this way forever. I NEED TO MOVE PAST IT.

What’s almost worst is that I know I’ve been completely complicit in this health downfall. I’ve done it to myself. But at least I’ve taken responsibility? That’s the first step, right? RIGHT?

As of today, my sad, sad stats are as follows –

Weight – 187.4
Waist – 46.5
Hips – 47.5 (guess I carry all my weight in da belly)
Body Fat – 38.7%

Not so great. But I’m cautiously optimistic. I read somewhere that 97% of people who lose weight gain it all back. That’s a terrifying statistic. But that means that THREE MILLION out of every hundred million DO. I can be a part of that. I’m strong enough! I WANT IT ENOUGH!

My Weight Loss Journey: Weigh In Day

Weighed in today. 174.8 lbs. 2.6 lb gain. OUCH. I celebrated the news with a chocolate mint coffee and key lime donut from dunkin donuts. Well actually I just wanted both. The gain was no surprise, so I can’t complain really. I’ll do better next week!

My Weight Loss Journey: The Day of Reckoning Is Almost Upon Me

Weigh in tomorrow. No way it’s gonna be a lose, but that’s all my fault and not even remotely hard to understand why. At least that’s less frustrating than a gain in a week where I’ve been on point. I worked out on Monday, skipped Tuesday but at least did a lot of walking, and worked out this morning for 40 minutes. I plan on working out tonight, partly because my gym is showing “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” in their movie room and I’ve never seen it. I may not be able to catch it at the beginning though, so maybe I’ll just watch the rest of Pride & Prejudice (which I watched the beginning of this morning). I’ve seen that one, but I love it. I digress.

I feel good that I’ve been working out and I do feel more energized and healthier already and it’s only been 2 work outs. I need to keep it up. Seriously, audible and downloading movies to my iPad have saved me. I can do the relaxing activities (reading, watching tv) I would be doing otherwise, only at the gym! I have a desk bike I still need to put together in my apartment (yeah, I’M LAZY), so once I get that all set up, maybe I’ll start playing video games while biking. Anything to trick myself into getting extra exercise, right? So in terms of weight loss this week, I have most likely failed (unless I lose 5 lbs in one day…. Which I don’t want to do…) but overall I think it’s been successful in terms of my health. My unhealthiness inspired me to get back in the gym. WIN

My Weight Loss Journey: Getting Mah Ass in Gear

Weighed myself this morning. 176.2 thankfully. That’s 4 of the 8 I gained this weekend gone really easily. I can breathe a sigh of relief. I may be able to get back to 172.2 by Thursday’s weigh in. I really don’t want to gain! I ate really healthy yesterday and also earned 10 activity points, I just need to keep it up. I ended up just walking on the treadmill for an hour and ten minutes at various speeds and inclines, but that’s a start. I figure if I download a movie or tv episodes onto my iPad mini, I can just walk and watch instead of sitting on the couch and watching like I would at home. I’m going to try to do this in addition to real work outs, but even if I just stick with this, it’s something. I walked for a total of 262 minutes yesterday including my commute!! GO ME! So for reals, if I use my binge time as my incentive to add exercise to my regimen, then it actually ended up being a good thing in the end. I also read this article: http://www.shape.com/weight-loss/success-stories/16-fitness-experts-who-used-be-fat and while I think it was a little insensitive to say “used to be fat” rather than “used to be overweight or unhealthy”, the article itself inspired me. If they can get in shape and become personal trainers and fitness experts, why can’t I? I used to be in amazing shape and I keep mourning that I never will be again. BUT I WILL BE. I WILL BE BETTER

My Weight Loss Journey: Self Flagulation

I am SO ANGRY at myself. I binge ate all 4th of July break: barbecues, parties, ice cream, galore. From Wednesday night until yesterday. I was at 172.4, my lowest weight in a year. What am I now? 180.2. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? I AM SO ANGRY. Now I realize a couple of pounds will melt away easily, but this still takes me a month backward. I CAN’T BELIEVE I DID THIS TO MYSELF. I keep telling myself the only good that can come from this is if I start exercising as a result. So I need to use it as an incentive to start exercising. I need to go tonight and work my ass out. UGH, WHY DO I DO THIS??? Time to start tracking again too. I am so disappointed in myself

My Weight Loss Journey: Week 7 Weigh In

So after a horrible sunburn, ankle injury, and food poisoning this week, it was hard to keep on track. Last week I was 174.8, this week… 173.6!! That is the LOWEST weight I have been in possibly a year. I haven’t gotten below 174 in so long!! I’m unable to comfortably exercise still, but now I do feel more inspired to get into the 160s. Once I get there, I think I’ll feel so much better and more normal, like myself again. I think the sunburn is hurting my image self esteem however, because it looks disgusting and is making me hate my body right now. MY FAULT THOUGH. I think once it clears up more, I’ll be much more enthused. ANYWAY YAY MEE

My Weight Loss Journey: I Dreamed a Dream

Last night I had a weird dream. I was with a group of my current friends and this popular guy from my high school (who always seemed to like me but never made a move due to my unpopularity and weirdness) showed up. Back in high school I thought I was a total heifer, although ironically I was around 145 – 160 lbs back then which is around 15-20 lbs thinner than I am now. Anyway, in the dream, my friends and I were standing in this fun house slide type of area, standing over the top of a slide. Mike (the hs guy) came over and said “Wow… you’ve gained weight.” In the dream, I shouted at him and shoved him off of the top of the slide. When I told my friends, they started yelling at him. The last thing I coherently remember from the dream is that after I calmed down and my friends tried to make me feel better, I was explaining to my friend why I thought he had reacted that way. “He always secretly liked me in high school, and I think he was hoping I’d lose weight and grow up hot, so then he’d feel comfortable finally making a move on me. He spoke without thinking because he was so disappointed.” Don’t quite know what to think about this…